Know What I Hate?
by Anamique4
Summary: Norway and Romano meet for coffee one day and end up discussing their respective 'relationships' with Denmark and Spain. A small bet arises... Hmn. DenNor and Spamano. Rated T for Romano's very dirty mouth and a couple suggestive situations... Pff.


**Written after observing how freaking similar DenNor and Spamano are. I swear, Denmark and Spain, Norway and Romano... There are plenty of similar characteristics between them. **

**Denmark and Spain- Both are clueless and cheery, with a dark past.  
Norway and Romano- Tsundere. Very tsundere. Ruled over by Denmark and Spain, respectively. Comically violent.**

**Lol, Romano just swears a hell of a lot more than Norway, and obviously shows much more emotion. Much more. And Denmark's a bit cockier than Spain... maybe less stupid too. Dunno. I definitely distinguish between the pairings, I just thought it was funny, that's all. XD**

**Plus Norway and Romano would for totes be friends. For totes.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Hetalia. Christmas is never too far away though. *hint hint***

**Warning: Uh... Romano curses just about every sentence... Yupz. Anything new here? Nada nada limonada. **

* * *

"Know what I hate?" Norway asked offhandedly. He and Romano were sitting outside a small, sunny coffee-shop in Italy, hanging out for whatever reason. Most likely because they were among the only ones who had decided to not go to the world meeting that morning, and each had nothing better to do.

Romano looked up from his espresso. "Children?"

"Yes… Wait, no," Norway refuted, shaking his head slowly. "I don't… children?"

Rolling his eyes, Romano leaned back in his chair. "Well what then?"

"Denmark."

"Oh yeah, that asshat," Romano snorted. "You think he's bad? Try Spain on for size and see how long it takes before you put a gun to your head."

"Spain can't be nearly as bad as Anko," Norway said, scooting forward so he could rest his arms on the table.

"Oh yeah? Is that a bet, fish-breath?" Romano smirked and leaned forward as well, until their faces were only inches apart.

Norway narrowed his eyes. Why did this guy always have to be so confrontational? "Fine… tomato-face."

Romano went red as predicted. "_Vaffanculo!_"

"_Greit_," Norway continued as if the other had said nothing. "I'll tell you something completely retarded that Denmark did the other day."

**. . .**

_I walked into my bedroom, expecting as anyone would, for it to be empty. But no. Denmark's gratingly obnoxious voice was coming from the bathroom. I should have left then, but curiosity got the better of me, as it usually does. I walked over and looked through the crack in the door. _

"_Everybody… yeah… Rock your body… yeah… Danmark's back, all right!"_

**. . .**

"He was singing Backstreet Boys?" Romano interjected, looking skeptical.

"Not just singing."

**. . .**

"_Am I original?" Denmark sang loudly. "Yeah… Am I the only one?" He made a duck-face with his lips and kissed the mirror. He's so annoying... "Yeah… Am I sexual?"_

**. . .**

"What did he do at that part?" Romano asked, grinning.

Norway felt himself unintentionally blush. "He… well he… kind of felt himself up."

"… Holy fuck."

"_Ja_. So I did what any sensible person would do."

"Broke the door down and punched him in the gut?"

"Of course."

Romano took a sip of his espresso. "If that'd been Spain, I woulda kicked him in the balls for good measure. But I'll admit, that was pretty good. Here's one of mine."

**. . .**

_So I went over to Spain's house. Not cause I WANTED_ _to or anything. I was just… out of tomatoes. Anyways, I walked right in there to the kitchen to find hi- I mean, to raid his pantry. And who should be there but the idiot himself. He was rummaging around in the fridge, probably looking for a snack._

"_Hey fatass," I started to say, but then he turned around._

**. . .**

Norway raised one eyebrow. "He… turned around. Wow."

"Shut the hell up, fish bastard. I'm getting to it."

**. . .**

"_Hey Roma!" he said, grinning all stupidly. And wearing nothing but his briefs. His goddamn briefs. "You want some _helado_? It sure is hot today, huh?" He held out a vanilla ice cream cone. I didn't say anything, fucking shocked as I was. So I guess he took that as a no and started to lick it._

**. . .**

"And…?" Norway asked, somewhat intrigued. This sounded almost exactly like something Denmark would do.

"And what do you think I did? I shoved that shitty dessert right in his face and left. Don't even know what he was trying to do, but I sure as hell wasn't sticking around to find out," Romano said, nodding to himself in a very self-satisfied kind of way. "Now try and top that bout of annoying, _Norvegia._"

"Well if it's annoying we're debating here, then I can't lose."

**. . .**

_I was watching TV at Ice's place the other day. No idea where he was at this time, really. He's always going off and doing something strange. In any case, I was sitting there on the couch, when Denmark popped up behind me and covered my eyes._

_Since he wouldn't leave, despite how much I pummeled him, eventually I just let him sit with me. But apparently Denmark is incapable of keeping to his allowed space on a couch, because he kept scooting closer and closer. Honestly, I gave him almost fifteen centimeters of room. How much more did he need?_

_And then he started cuddling up to me, nuzzling my hair and neck like some kind of dog. I was seriously pissed off at this point, seeing as my favorite show was actually on and I couldn't even concentrate enough to watch it. How obnoxious can you be? He's such an idiot. After a few minutes of all this, I ended up pinching that one pressure point on his neck. Dropped like a rock._

**. . .**

"And sometimes that's all you need to do," Norway finished. "Render them unconscious and stuff their body in your brother's hallway closet."

Romano looked reluctantly impressed. "When did Iceland find him?"

"Not sure. I left after Big Bang Theory ended."

"That show is fucking hilarious!"

"Isn't it?"

**. . .**

_Well last night I had nothing better to do, so I let Spain buy me dinner. I was broke… or that's what I said anyways. That's a great way to get free food out of people, you know. Anyhow, he took me to this really stupid fancy-schmancy French restaurant. Fortunately for him, that wine bastard didn't show up there, or I would've had to call a hit down on that place. _

_We were almost finished eating when Spain completely ruined the entire meal. At the end of dessert, he began to act all secretive while shuffling around in his seat like some kind of mental patient. I asked him if Prussia had slipped him some LSD before dinner. Dipshit that he is, he smiled like a complete retard, and finally handed me this jewelry case. I opened it, and there was a stupid gold necklace with a little tomato on the end of it. He looked like he expected me to fucking jump into his arms or something._

**. . .**

"Did you?" Norway asked him, letting a small smirk slide onto his face.

Romano glowered at him. "What, did you think I started screeching for him to take me right there on the table, or something? _Che palle!_ Like I would even let that bastard touch me."

"But you're wearing the necklace right now," Norway noted, pointing at the tiny ceramic tomato that hung out of the other's shirt.

Romano stuffed it back into his shirt. "For that, you're picking up the tip, asshole… and the rest of the bill."

Norway shrugged and pulled out his wallet, still smiling. Totally worth it. This guy was just too easy to mess with.

"Norge!"

"Romano!"

Norway froze, hand still reaching for a few spare euros. Across from him, Romano's amber eyes widened and darted to his watch. No… It couldn't be… The meeting…

"Norge! What are you doing all the way out here in Italy? I was looking for you everywhere back home!" Denmark cried, bounding up to their table. "Is that coffee? Can I have some?" He reached for Norway's cappuccino, but had his hand swatted away by Romano.

"Back off, fucktard."

Denmark seemed slightly taken aback and looked back and forth from Norway to Romano and back again. "Why… Why are you hanging out with Romano?"

"_Sí_, Roma, why are you having _café _with Norway anyways?" Spain had finally reached them, and appeared just as confused as his companion. "We weren't really expecting to find the two of you together when we teamed up for the search."

"None of your damn business," Romano replied, right as Norway answered with "Wouldn't you like to know."

"Well, in any case… the meeting's over!" Denmark beamed down at Norway. "Let's go to dinner or something."

Norway slapped away the hand that had found its way to his shoulder. "Get off me, Anko." He stood up and looked at Romano, who was now attempting to push Spain off in a very similar manner. "Hey. I think I'm declaring myself the winner of the bet."

Romano stood up as well, effectively managing to knock Spain to the ground. "You're joking me, right? As if. I didn't even get to tell you about my last birthday party. That's one that would definitely tip the scales."

"Same time next week then?"

"Absolutely. Someplace less conspicuous though."

Norway hummed in agreement. "Bring money next time as well."

"I'm broke."

* * *

**Sure you are, Romano. Sure you are. It's not like you _just_ said you liked having people pay for you or anything. Nope. **

**Ugh. I just wanted to post this little ficlet... thingy. I tried a new style of writing, and... I dunno how it turned out. DAMN YOU 1ST PERSON. DAMN YOU TO HELL AND BACK. **

**Anyways, please review~! Any little confidence boost is always appreciated. :]**


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